Never Have I Ever… Been Represented Like This Before

Reposted, original post May13th, 2020

As an Indo-Caribbean girl and like every other brown girl right now, I loved Mindy Kaling and Lang Fisher’s series Never Have I Ever (NHIE). As many did, I assumed NHIE would have been a straight-forward teenage rom-com about a smart brown girl who eventually ends up with a hot/smart guy, but the series tackled serious issues like loss and mental health and was a great portrayal of brown culture and single-parent families. To preface, I want to acknowledge that not all of the Indian diaspora have the same experience and I know that my experience growing up in the Caribbean is very different from Indian immigrants in the States and from Asia. To share my feelings, the perspective of “just a brown girl” is something I want to talk about, especially after having a great discussion with @seethewaymaggiecees. I believe in representing my culture as a brown person, NHIE did very well in terms of showcasing family life, perspectives and mental health through Devi Vishwakumar the protagonist. Here are some things I loved about it and thought Kaling and Fisher did really well…

Highlighting Mental Health, Loss & Coping Strategies

The primary takeaway I kept coming back to while watching the series was “Hurt people hurt people.” This is shown as Devi lashes out to everyone she loves as she remembers the loss of her father Mohan – from Ben (1×2) to her friends (1×8) to her mother (1×9). Overly fixated on losing her virginity and obsessed with chasing a hot popular guy doesn’t present the best role model for young women but it’s a part of being a “normal” teenager in American society or at least what’s usually presented in the media with traditionally white characters. It seems like a tactic to avoid thinking about the loss of her father which has uprooted her life. When her rival Ben finishes the answer for a question she was answering on the Holocaust, she mumbled that she wished the Nazis killed him. When asked by the teacher, she repeats it louder and is sent to the principal’s office. She wanted to hurt him because she was hurting. I do not think the situation was at all handled by the school in a reasonable way. While it may have just been words of anger, the violent and horrific comment should have been met with more outrage and a more severe punishment like calling in her parents, serious detention, writing a letter of apology or even a suspension. Perhaps she was given leeway because of the recent death of her father, but still, I believe the wrongness of what she said should have been noted more succinctly, especially in this political climate where there are literal nazis.

Hurt people hurt people.

Consequently, the show is able to start to portray grief in a profound way. Dr Ryan, Devi’s therapist tries to help her understand that her lashing out and pushing people away stems from the loss of her father, but Devi isn’t prepared to confront these feelings and instead decides that she wants a new therapist (1×8). Growing up, counselling and therapy and “happy pills” are looked down upon as though something is “wrong” with you and you could become a social pariah. This is backed up by the aunties all talking about her and recounting about her time in a wheelchair (1×4). This seemed to mostly be a plot device for season 1 (the miracle of her standing up after seeing Paxton was a big oof) but I am excited to see it explained and delved into more in future episodes. Devi is the centre of the show, but her mother Nalini’s grief is also shown as she struggles with raising Devi and the loss of her husband. She is seen to try to move on in selling the bike (1×2) and house (1×9), but painful memories hit her as she tries to do them both. As we saw, Nalini couldn’t part with the bike (1×2) as it was a little piece of Mohan so I assume that the move back to India won’t actually happen. But who knows what Kaling and Fisher have in store for us? The idea of the move could just be Nalini trying to formulate some semblance of normalcy that is familiar to her, perhaps whatever her life might have been like before marriage with her family.

Moreover, mental health was also explored in the form of Eleanor and Ben. I was ecstatic when she received the lead role for the school play, by channelling the pain of her experiences into her art of acting. Even after Crazy Rich Asians, the trope of Asian-American characters is usually the nerd or a fetish (read more about this here). So for her to leave behind the opportunity of being the lead (1×7) when her mother abandons her (again) is incredibly heart-breaking. Although it was shown to be light-hearted and dramatic, Eleanor’s pain is real and evident especially in her change of style (1×8). She chooses instead to use dull, dreary colours after her mother leaves out of jealousy, as opposed to her usual playful outfits. To be given the hope of rekindling a relationship with your mother, only for her to leave again so soon after is soul-crushing; the sad colours in Eleanor’s world were aptly reflected in her character’s exterior as her dwindling mental health. Men are rarely allowed to express their feelings of sadness outwards. But Ben’s frustration with his girlfriend who seems to not care about him, and the absence of his parents lead him to have a breakdown in front of Nalini (1×6). While this shows the mothering nature of brown mums (making every child their baby and wanting to protect them), it also allows a “strong, mean character” to develop in front of the audience’s eyes and give a different perspective on his life – he is not just an entitled, rich, white boy but a lonely, rich, white boy. It also presents the opportunity for him and Devi to have “a moment” where he doesn’t tattle about her betrayal and the alcohol at the Model UN.

Emphasizing the Importance of Community, and How It Facilitates Growth & Development

The theme of sisterhood and friendship is prevalent in the series where the girls try to stick together no matter what. Even when Devi said hurtful things towards them (1×8) and didn’t make their serious issues a priority (1×7), they still dropped everything to help guide her into going with her mother to spread her father’s ashes (1×10), which she definitely would have regretted if she didn’t go. Even when she was mean to him, Ben still said kind words to her when it seemed that she was feeling down (1x***). Rather than being the perfect little Indian girl who’s super sweet and insanely smart, Devi is showcased as an imperfect character who makes mistakes – a young, stupid, hurting, grieving teenager who makes mistakes. Her friends eventually forgive her and she is able to acknowledge that she hurt them and that she needs and wants their love (1×10). It is somewhat refreshing to see an asshole, somewhat-unlikeable protagonist working her way through grief and beginning to grow, mature and learn to be better. It is overwhelmingly powerful to see such a diverse cast where the majority of the main characters are people of colour, and their entire personality doesn’t revolve around it. (See Lady Parts pilot for another show with minority main characters.)

Rather than being the perfect little Indian girl who’s super sweet and insanely smart, Devi is showcased as an imperfect character who makes mistakes – a young, stupid, hurting, grieving teenager who makes mistakes.

Representing Minorities & Their Culture Whilst Limiting Politics

In fact, some have called the show casteist and to be fair, the show does represent an upper-class somewhat privileged family. But I do think it’s a good place to start. It lays a foundation for more shows and series and gets the wider Netflix audience ready for more brown content. Movies like Bend It Like Bekham and series like New Girl typically portray the brown character as quiet but this series captures Devi as a teenager who is going to make mistakes and be forced to learn from them. When Ron calls her “just another smart Indian girl,” I was livid. In our culture as young, brown students, the path is paved for us to study hard, learn instruments, get into sports, join clubs and diversify to make ourselves more appealing to colleges. To discount all of her successes and casually mention her father’s death is upsetting, but it’s realistic in terms of how colleges and “white men” view us. As comedian Vir Das said, it’s not that all Indians are smart, it’s just that there are more smart Indians. Women of colour writers are held to a much higher standard than their white counterparts and are constantly criticized for what they could have included. But at the end of the day, there’s only so much content you can cram into one season. Kaling and Fisher did an excellent job of creating a stepping stone for more cultures and colours and skin-tones to be included in the media and that deserves applause.

I saw some critics mention casual Islamophobia because Jaya became a social pariah after marrying and divorcing a Muslim. At first glance it was saddening, but I do believe Kaling and Fisher were just being “straight” with their audience. Different communities treat relationships differently and it happens. Heck, I know a dude who was ostracized for dating and eloping with someone they didn’t approve of. Marrying within your religion is a huge deal to brown people, or at least that’s my experience. But I think it’s keen to note that it was only really shown with the aunties and older generations in NHIE. The younger women, Kamala and Devi both are interested in non-brown, non-Hindu men. There’s no pleasing people, as Kaling is all too aware of, with her dating history constantly being questioned. Kamala is shown struggling with whether to continue her relationship with Steve or follow through with the arranged marriage her family is planning. Ultimately when she realizes Prashant, her potential future husband is smart, attractive (HOTTTT DAMN) and doesn’t want to “date his mother”, she breaks things off with Steve, leaving an air of “does mama really know best?” It is a solemn note that it looks like she’s going to agree to the marriage without really knowing him, but hopefully, season 2 clears that up by making him a main character.

On the note, of telling it as it is, pandit/pundit worship was another sore point for some critics. Nalini getting the pandit to bless Devi’s textbooks (1×1) and re-blessing it when she threw it out the window. I can’t speak for the Hindu population because I’m Muslim, but the opinion of religious leaders is usually taken into very high esteem. In movies like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, the date for the wedding was postponed because the pundit said the auspicious times of their horoscopes weren’t aligned; religion is a huge facet to weddings of people of colour. At my high school Lakshmi Girls’ Hindu College, the pundit would come to our pujas and graduation, and the late Satnarayan “Sat” Maharaj, Secretary-General of the Sanatan Dharma Maha Sabha, came to most of our ceremonies and gave speeches and advice. I don’t know enough about the actual ceremony and practice, but it was cool to see a congregation of brown people even if it was for a religious purpose. It reminded me of growing up going to mosque for Fridays prayers Jummah, Sunday Muqtub Arabic lessons, and liming with my grandparents every Friday evening after school.

SHARING MY EXPERIENCE AS AN INDO-CARIBBEAN INTERNATIONAL STUDENT IN CANADA

As someone who grew up in a close-knit community and then going abroad to study, the speech about missing and not appreciate your culture until you’re away from it that Harish (1×4) gave Devi hit me so hard that I thought the creators stole my diary. Losing the sense of community when you’re away from home is isolating and hard, and I clung first to the Trinidadians and Caribbean students at UWaterloo, and then other brown Muslim students. But I also noticed a huge culture shift between my group of South Asian friends and myself – even though we were all brown international students, our experiences were very different and I couldn’t achieve the same closeness with them that they had with one another (not even mentioning the language barrier when they spoke Urdu in front of me knowing I didn’t understand). I had always heard in Caribbean Studies that the diaspora cling to one another for a sense of normalcy, but experiencing it is so mind-blowing. In a huge classroom with hundreds of students, it was fate – the person I was drawn to sit next to was another Trini girl.

In terms of representing culture, I think NHIE did an alright job. The Ganesh puja (1×4) was a great way of incorporating Indian outfits, dances, practices – and let’s not forget, the ever-judgemental aunties. “Aunties are old Indian women who have no relation to you but are allowed to have opinions about your life and shortcoming” is such a mood, I’m sure all brown girls can agree. It was also relatable when Nalini pulled Devi out of the TikTok video to put on a T-shirt underneath her strappy red dress (1×3), and how Devi lied (1×3) and manipulated (1×8) to go to parties because her mother expressly told her no. But she carried a gift of sweets so her mother would approve; my mother always tells us not to go anywhere with “our hands swinging and bellies empty.” I remember when she wore the short skirt to school (1×1) to look like “Indian Kim Kardashian” I immediately thought about all the ways my mother would skin me alive. These are subtle ways of bringing Devi’s background into the mix with the stereotypical, over-protective mother, while not making being a brown girl her entire identity.

Making Scenes That You Don’t Need To Explain or Get Angry About Because We Get It

But what really got me messed up was when Devi dressed in a sari for puja and the people in line behind her wanted a picture with “Princess Jasmine.” Ma’am, Princess Jasmine isn’t even Indian, the original character is Middle-Eastern, not the same as Indian or South Asian. (Though to be fair Disney did not cast a Middle-Eastern actress, so I suppose the non-pocs confusion is somewhat excusable, or at least blame is shifted to Disney.) But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? It may not have seemed racist but it’s not okay. Sure, if your kid is fascinated, you can ask a pretty brown girl for a picture, but our culture is not a costume. The other people forcing her to take the picture with the kid was ridiculous and it wasn’t explored as being wrong or mentioned to be shitty. But if it was, I’m sure I’d have seen a million takes on how people of colour are too sensitive, and honestly, women of colour shouldn’t be pressured into making political or content to fit their skin. In a society, where there are six Sharknado movies, creators of colour should be allowed to make whatever the heck they want.

Our culture is not a costume.

Some things they could’ve done better

It is 2020. Chill it with the fat jokes. Eric Perkins is used as a joke most of the series. When Devi is embarrassed thinking that her secret is out that she didn’t actually sleep with Paxton, she follows Eric around so that people won’t notice her, because of his height and size (1×7). He is also seen asking for the leftovers from the bake sale, which to be honest is a WHOLE mood. But his weight doesn’t seem to hurt his confidence as he unashamedly asks out Kamala, Devi’s hot cousin (1×10), and even though he was rejected, it was still a funny, cute scene.

The “Lonely Boy” and “Arch Nemesis turned into Love Interest” Tropes – I could have told you from episode 1 that Ben would be a love interest for Devi. It was obvious that the show was gearing up for their ship when they showed Ben’s relationship that was only for show and the lack of chemistry between him and his girlfriend and her friends. That is not to say that he was only these things because he didn’t seem like a flat character but the plot twist was very predictable.

Team Ben was given more ammunition. Although we met Paxton’s sister, his home life besides that wasn’t really shown whereas the audience is led to sympathize with Ben who we see is lonely with parents who don’t know him well, are never around and a girlfriend who isn’t very loving. (He should not have cheated on her, even if their relationship is a farce and failing, but I’m intrigued to see how this plays out in season 2 and how Devi and Ben redeem themselves.) I think season 2 will also explore Paxton’s background and life more, especially because there has to be a reason why he lives in a garage and I’m guessing it isn’t just because it’s “hip and cool.”

The whole “You have the beauty of Priyanka Chopra…” was so cringe I had to take a moment. I understand that it’s her fantasy and Priyanka is a huge Bollywood and Hollywood star. She’s one of the more famous Indian actresses that would be relatable to brown and non-brown audiences since she’s in the Hollywood eye and a lot of younger people know her so the joke caters to the audience. There aren’t a lot of dark-skin Indian actresses or any Asian actresses that a wider audience would know, and the joke highlights just that. I just think it would have been incredibly relatable and ironic if “You have the beauty of Mindy Kaling” since ya know, she’s the creator and all. Also, why can’t she just be beautiful like herself? “You’re so beautiful and brilliant” is way more swoon-inducing than the line in the script but hey, the line in the script is funnier, more cringy and slaps way harder, which you want in a teen rom-com so I guess I’m torn.

Ultimately, I think it was a good show and I am looking forward to more character development and discourse on mental health in season 2.

Other citations:

Buckley, Erika (2006) “A Cross-Cultural Study of Weddings through Media and Ritual: Analyzing Indian and North American Weddings,” McNair Scholars Journal: Vol. 10: Iss. 1, Article 3. Available at: http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/mcnair/vol10/iss1/3